I want to tell you all a little bit of my story tonight. Just the beginning part. My Grandma was my best friend and she raised me until I was 9. She was this amazing woman, and she was incredibly beautiful. And she would tell my Dad incredibly sweet things about me like, “The best thing you ever did in this life was make this baby. ” And she was a character! She did tarot and astrology and spells. And she told my Dad, “She is going to be a walking contradiction. People are going to love her and hate her at the same time. She will eventually rub off on to her harshest critics.”
Okay, so, I had a dream in Feb 1995 that my Grandma came to me in my sleep and she pointed to her birthdate on an old wooden calendar we would put together every month. She told me that she was going to die on her birthday.
I woke up screaming. My Grandma comes to my bed. She holds me.
March 2nd, 1995 I am actually with my Mom and Dad. Its my Grandma’s birthday. I call my Grandpa and tell him I want to bring Grandma her birthday present. He tells me I can’t come over. He says Grandma has had a stroke, and an ambulance has taken her to the hospital.
She passes a few hours later.
My Grandpa sends me to live with my Mom and Dad.
My mom dies when I am 14. Very tragically, and this is another story in itself.
My Dad is sick, and social services comes in the night she passes and tells my Dad that because he is sick, I have to be signed over in to my oldest brothers guardianship. And if he doesn’t I have to be signed over to Foster Care. (Also, this is why I still don’t trust social services to this day! Lol)
SO, we moved around a lot the next few years. And, because of thid it was hard for me to find my tribe. Especially with my weight issues I just always felt like I didn’t belong. And, I was very self destructive and would sabotage any relationship with anyone that tried getting close with me. And this continued for well in to my adult life. I still have to stop myself from time to time.
I guess I wanted to write this post for all of the other people out there like me. I know I’m not the only one that has felt alone before-but when you know me- you know you don’t have to feel this way. You will always have your tribe with me. And we will be one badass tribe.